Milk is what our boobs produce. So why am I always sneaking 4 fl.oz. or so at a time from my roommates? Because I am a MAN. I don't need to squeeze milk out of my boobs; I've got Holstein Cows to do that for me. They have huge boobs with multiple nipples on their underside.
Regardless, over the past couple weeks I've had this unprecedented desire to sprinkle a little milk into my morning coffee or tea. I don't buy milk; as I mentioned before I am a MAN. So I steal a little bit from my roommates. The less I steal, the less guilty I feel.
Well, apparently I have kept all those little increments of guilt built up inside my conscious, and last night they gathered together and had a party during my rapid eye movement. I don't remember too much about this dream, but I do remember a 3/4ths empty milk jug being poured in and around my mouth. I wasn't even putting milk in coffee; I was just chugging it and spitting it out all over the kitchen. It was the ultimate display of lactose intolerance, but I'm not an intolerant person. Nope, I'm just wasteful.
So don't waste milk. After that dream I've decided to give up cow's milk for good. I'll stick to drinking yogurt; that's what MEN drink!
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I think you just miss your mom...
ReplyDeleteRobbie you should make almond milk. I hear men drink that too. And it's bomb.
ReplyDeleteLizzy, you mean Almond juice? As milk comes from one's tit. And I can assure you, there is no almond tit.
ReplyDeleteAlso, this post is probably the most retarded yet. I realize this a dream post, but robbie learned a lesson from this dream; not to drink milk. Yet, he is eating yogurt. Where the fuck does yogurt come from. It would be one thing if this realization occurred in a dream and you no longer drank milk in the dream. But this is real life man.
ReplyDeleteAndrew, why do you assume I'm an idiot? I live in the dairy capital of North America. Do you honestly think that I don't know what yogurt is?
ReplyDeleteIt is not so much that I thought you did not realize. but more the pure ignorance of the situation.
ReplyDeleteWill you not recognize where your food and drink come from.
Do you have no decency left?!?
jebus flupping chris†
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